dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize