Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
