Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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