His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
