how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
