Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
