Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
