I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
