I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
