What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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