Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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