we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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