I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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