Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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