There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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