I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize