Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
