Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
