Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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