I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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