if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
