if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
