physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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