i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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