Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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