you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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