I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
