I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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