The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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