i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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