Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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