I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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