I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Say something about gay babies.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
