every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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