Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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