I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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