The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
