It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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