operation harelip BJ is a go
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They have beer where we have blood.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
