Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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