i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
