So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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