he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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