One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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