So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
where are my eyebrows?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
