Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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