He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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