Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
