38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
