i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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