so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
