nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
