Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Houston, we have a blender
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize