Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Holy shit dude........stairs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
