quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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