I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We got so high we made milksteak
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
