Got a toothbrush?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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