I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
