your thong is hanging out like whoa
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
