is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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