i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
