Too much gin, very little bucket
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
