Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
