The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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