i permit you to call me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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