DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His nipple licking is glorious
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