You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
