drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
