Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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