Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
