He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
