i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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