Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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