We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
