Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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